NOVEMBER 1st

I'm not sure exactly what it is about the coming of November 1st that always brings my mind to the holidays. But every year, turning the calendar to November my thoughts instantly wander there.

Holidays are funny, quirky things, aren't they? A montage of memories, guilt, happiness, frustration, desires amid demands. A tumult of emotional confusion if ever I've seen one.

The last time I checked there were few people I listend to over the age of 10 who found any big holiday COMPLETELY free of conflict or happiness (in almost equal parts) and I began to wonder why it's all so convoluted. After all it sounds good on paper (as they say). Days off, good food, family, friends - Nomran Rockwell, here we come! So what's the problem?

It varies I suppose from person to person and family to family but oddly I think wanting whatever you don't have that is part of the mix:

People who have no one 'expecting them' are lonely
People who have too many places to go are pressured

People who have to be on the road hate the drive

People who are preparing dinner are annoyed with the people who ARE worried about the drive because fixing the dinner is stressful too

Kids feel uncomfortable dressing up to go visiting
Adults are uncomfortable dressing down to go visiting
If you eat too much you feel guilty
If you eat too litte lyou feel deprived/cheated
If you speak your mind you're in trouble (lol)
If you don't speak your mind you feel repressed
If you want to eat early, you'll end up eating late
If you want to sleep in, eat late,dinner will be at 1pm
If you want to fly, you'll somehow need to drive
If you want to drive, you'll end up flying

On the other side of the tumult is the intensity of the closeness, the flood of familial memories. The warmth and comfort of friends. There's the fact that sometimes the holidays (and life) ARE Norman Rockwell and the desire to 'freeze those moments' is so overwhelming it's a physical ache....

And don't underestimate the sheer volume of it all. In the span of four weeks there is so much food, so many people, so many memories (happy) so many memories (sad). Lingering regrets are gently mixed with determination to change.

Four intense weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas that find the past tugging at your sleeve, while the present hovers and the future windes gently ahead. A mental and emotional blend that leaves me (and perhpas others) oddly at ends.

It passes by Jan 1st. Twelve new months are ushered in and the hours/days/weeks/months fly by at an amazing rate of speed. New memories will be made, new challenges met. The pace is so frenzied I hardly stop to ponder the meaning of it all ~ that is until the next November 1st....